GALHA annual lunch with Darren Hayes

20th November 2010.

I feel so honoured and lucky to get the chance to have been there. can not believe that yesterday happened. most surreal day.

All the gay humanists I spoke to had nothing but praise for Darren. the words they kept using were humorous & intelligent. i have to agree Darren speech was very moving and inspirational.

I owe it in respect to him to not divulge what was said. all I will say is that he spoke very candidly about his struggle to identify he was gay, his coming out & his struggles as a gay man today. most of it he's told us before just not with so much detail.

Ashwin, thank you doesn't seem enough. you done so well with your speech. loved it. thanks for everything. good luck in exams.

Thanks Darren being so beautiful to me. I've been ill all week with a tooth abscess and you really made my day. :) i could feel that appreciation.

That smile on his face when he saw me said it all. just adore him. such a beautiful soul. proud I didn't freak out LOL!

Seeing other fans again made me realise how much a miss my Darren family. it was lovely to connect to fans again. makes me feel so understood and not alone. it's us against the world .

we need to do it all again soon at the listening party!







xx

at this minute, 6 years ago....

Friday November 19^th 2004.

I never forgot that date.

On this minute, at the stroke of 9pm, exactly 6 year ago Darren Hayes walked out on stage in Nottingham. walking out on stage was something he had done many many times before but this was the first time I witnessed it.

It was the day my life changed forever.

I had booked a VIP ticket to the dark/light tour knowing I just HAD TO be there. My first show. Fate had finally got me in the right place at the right time and that night was the turning point in my life.

The tour book was a big reason in why I decided or rather KNEW that night I could never walk away. ‘maybe we will meet in the middle as friends who have more in common that just our taste in music, we are ultimately here because we wanted to feel something, good and bad, dark and light, see you on stage’. Reading that message it didn’t really hit me what Darren meant until I seen the show. I typed it all out and it never left my hard drive.

I went to the gig without knowing anything about what was about to happen. All I knew was Darren could sing and he was about to prove that. I remember sitting after reading the message inside the dark/light tour book and thinking that tonight was going to be heavy. what I wasn’t prepared for was for Darren to bare his soul so freely and to stand and sing unlovable, then turn around and wipe his face and the tears and then sing two beds. At that moment I knew for certain that two beds was about him.

dark/light was the first time I’d ever met another fan. The first time I’d seen a sound check. The first time I’d seen a concert and I’m so proud to say it was Darren’s.

I remember that buzz when the lights go down and the 'star' appears before you. I remember being in shock Darren were actually stood in front of me.

The first song was void. Just Darren, the lights down and arms out reached asking 'doesn’t anyone fill the void'. that was an emotional moment for me. I was 18 and just been left to my own devices. I’d just come to uni in nottingham, didn’t have a single friend, missed my family so much and I too felt like there was a massive void in my life…. and that song void is still a very special part of my life.


I remember being in awe of how close i was to the stage, centre of the second row, i remember dancing to i like the way, i remember almost crying during dublin sky (that song had become a great part of my life when i was missing ireland so much) and crash and burn. well you all know that song saved my life, and at that moment right then it was a dream come true. for so many years i had sat so badly wanting to see Darren Hayes live. and finally it happened!

I don’t remember much else of the gig to be honest. I remember being in awe of how good Darren’s voice was. I remember him saying 'you look beautiful Nottingham, people at the back I can see ya' and I just felt this incredible connection to every single person in that room that night. I remember laughing during feel with Darren at the piano and I remember coming home and seeing the rest of children in need.

A mixtape of 2010 thus far

Scouting for girls – on the radio

A song from a wonderful album. I especially love this one. Reminds me of fun times. It’s a real song you can relate to. It’s about that person you don’t want to remember but a song reminds you of them.

“You danced to the beat of the drum. The memories made music, the music made memories. Every night you've been gone. She haunts me in a pop song on the radio. You're in every song from the past. A ghost from the radio mast”



Diana Vickers – Put It Back Together

I love this song. It’s just ‘me’. I relate to it because sometimes I have to hit rock bottom to rise from the ashes.

“If you think you're sinking, you probably are. If you think you're falling, you probably will. You've got to lose yourself, and not let go. I think we'll be alright. I think we will survive. You've got to fall apart. And Put It Back Together again”



Enrique Iglesias – Heartbeat

An amazing dance track featuring the gorgeous pussycat doll Nicole. I just LOVE it. I’ve loved Enrique since 2002. I fell in love with it the first time I heard it.

“He said to me, I can feel your heartbeat, running through me. No matter what it is you think, I’m not the kind of girl you think”



Robyn – Dancing on my own

Love this song. It’s also very ‘me’. It’s a song related to feeling unnoticed and isolated and I feel like that sometimes. And robyn reminds me of my favourite munchkin, Anna.

“ I'm right over here, why can't you see me. I'm givin' it my all, but I'm not the girl you're takin' home. I keep dancin' on my own”




Hoosiers – choices

TUNNNE! It’s so much fun. It’s almost a rebel song. And I love to rebel a bit and say F you.

“You demand I make my mind up by deciding not to care. Stop giving me choices
Stop giving me choices. I surrender to the wind, I will let the wind decide”




Scissor sisters – fire with fire

Such a fun song. Reminds of nights getting drunk with rose wine and having such a laugh online with Hils.

“You said fight fire with fire, fire with fire, fire with fire. Through desire, desi- sire, desi-, through your desire”




Biffy Clyro - Many of Horror (When We Collide)

I first became obsessed with this song watching a programme about Christian and syed in eastenders and it was playing in the background. It’s just a great song.

“When we collide we come together. If we don't we'll always be apart. I'll take a bruise I know you’re worth it. When you hit me hit me hard”



Example – last ones standing

I love this song. Such a party song. A song about breaking the rules. About being a party animal. And sometimes I love to go to London and drink and party to the very last train.

“We’ll catch our very last train, Light our very last flames, And we’ll knock it all back and forget our names, Cos its our last night, And its one last fight, We’re the last ones, The last ones standing”



tinchy stryder – you’re not alone

This song reminds me of being at home in Ireland and hearing it for the first time. Love tinchy’s inspiring lyrics.

“Were here with you. You’re not alone. Stay strong no time to feel weak. Open your mind and see. You keep holding on. Believe in us. Believe in me. Shine the light and see”



Brandon Flowers - Only The Young

Earlier I declared this song the reason I love Brandon flowers so much. He’s an incredible talent. A constant in my life since 2005. this song is just genius. And synth. And I love it.

“Only the young can break away, break away. Lost when the wind blow; on your own, ohh”



The script – science and faith

I love this band. And this album. This song in particular. It’s about science Vs Faith. And I’m not religious but I get that people need faith, somethingt to believe in. I’m a scientist. My faith lays instead in music rather than religion. It is a very clever song and I really respect it.

“You won't find faith or hope down a telescope. You won't find heart and soul in the stars. You can break everything, down to chemicals. But you can't explain a love like ours”



Taio cruz – dynamite

Because it’s full attitude and it reminds me of fun nights out with my baby sis!

“Cause we gon' rock this club , We gon' light it up, Like it's dynamite!”



Katy Perry – Firework

I love katy. She’s got it: Image. attitude. Songs. Shame her voice isn’t better. I love the woman.

“Cause baby, you're a firework. Come on, show 'em what you're worth. Make 'em go, OH”



Joe McElderry – Ambitions

I love this song. Its from a wonderful fun album. I love Joe. He could have easily said yes to just standing there singing ballads like sony wanted. Instead he fought, to come out, to dance, to sing what he wanted to. I love him.

“And if somebody’s going to make it, Then this somebody ought to be you”




Bruno mars – just the way you are.

I was starting it get obsessed with it and then matt cardle sung it. WIN WIN. The video is GENIUS. it's a song about a girl not always kind to herself. a girl a lot like me.

“When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, Cause you're amazing, Just the way you are”




Matt cardle – the first time ever i saw your face

God I love that man. He is INCREDIBLE. When he sings he takes me someplace else. His voice is heaven sent. I just connect to him. He goes someplace when he sings. I go someplace when he sings. We meet in the middle. I just ‘get’ him.

“and the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave”



Transfer – blain Osborn

A song from a band that supported Brandon flowers on tour. That night in Manchester was the only night I saw them sing it. But I loved it enough to record it. I fell in love. I searched everywhere and managed to buy the song. I just LOVE it.

“and when you wake up with me, I’ll be gone”



Savage Garden - Crash And Burn (Acoustic Live)

Not a song from this year but instead a decade ago. It continues to save me from darkness. One of my most played songs this year.

“When you need to crash, then crash and burn, you’re not alone”




Darren Hayes – Not Even Close

I never realised how much I missed Darren until I heard this song. It’s everything I love about him. He’s covered a Tim Finn song and made it his. He is an extraordinary talent with an exceptional voice. A voice so heaven sent. It’s a sad song. And Darren Hayes does sad songs so well.

“When everything falls apart. When you make a false start. When you're nobody's baby. Not even close to pulling through”

In my little world (poem)

In my little world, lives:
A dreamer.
A lover of the planet’s beauty.
An artist.
A Photographer.
A graphic Designer.
A music Lover.
A tortured Soul.
An Old Soul.
A fun Lover.
A Happy person.
A sad person.
A person who speaks from the heart.
A person who speaks without fear of judgement.
Only one person can live there... me.
The owner of a thought provoked heart.

Meeting Brandon Flowers in manchester - 16 oct 2010

we sat for THREE HOURS waiting to see Brandon. My heart sank a little when he dashed on the bus before midnight and we missed him.

I remember saying to a lindz whom I had just met that if there was 110 people here and 10% got the chance that you had to believe that, THAT 10% was US. And hours later it was. We met him. So happy. We were sat on the pavement all chatting, stood up chatting, huddled like penguins chatting, we sat down on the pavement again and I heard a noise that had became familiar to me, what with the crew coming and going, the sound of the door of the tour bus opening.

I rather excitedly and rather loudly said ‘OMG it’s the door’. And our necks all sprung round and in the doorway, laughing, was Brandon. No doubt giggling at what I had said. I don’t care. He makes me happy. Cider girli and I dashed to our feet and over to him. Cider girli held her hand out to him and I held my right hand out and shook his hand. At least that it what I deduce happened. It was all such a blur. I remember holding my hand out. Don’t remember the next bit. I’m assuming Brandon must have been thinking OMG their hands are freezing.

Suddenly people were asking for pics and thought YES! Suddenly I ended up declaring myself ‘the official photographer’. I had two blackberry’s, an iPhone and a couple of cameras thrown at me. Not that I minded. Doing something takes my mind off the fact that Brandon flowers was standing inches from me and my dreams were coming true. I could have easily freaked out.

Then came my turn. I put my arm around him and didn’t want to let go. Not necessarily because it was Brandon flowers, more that he was SOOO warm. I was freezing. He stood, watching intently, as I produced a boots photo wallet and got out a photo I had took at Dublin. Words failed me and I didn’t get the chance to explain that pic. Mostly I just said ‘thanks Brandon for coming out’. I really appreciated it was -4oC and he didn’t have to come out. I appreciated that he appreciated us enough to spend 5 minutes with us. That precious 10%. The irony is that the window on the bus was open and he was probably sitting watching us, listening LOL.








As lindz, cider girli and I walked down the streets of Manchester at 2am I remember saying ‘omg we met Brandon flowers. Now I can die happy’. You weren’t really gonna get much sense out of me.

So many times we all wanted to give up. And my heart really went out to Sarah and Hev, victims I met, fellow penguins, who left 20 minutes before Brandon came out. I have to credit meeting lindz for keeping me there. I wanted to go with them at 1:30am. I wanted to go for a coffee and come back. If I had, I’d have missed him. I fought with not being able to stand the cold Vs not being able to stand missing Brandon. I’m so glad you girls convinced me to stay until 2am. Because at 1:50am it became worth it. I remember for a fleeting minute saying if we’ve waited this long what’s another hour, as we knew the bus was leaving at 3am.

Brandon flowers, has been a constant in my life since 2005 with the killers. He means a hell of a lot to me. It was a total dream come true since I was first a fan. All those years ago.

Brandon Flowers at Dublin Academy 22nd September

got the 6:30am flight to dublin from east midlands. what kind of airport has the duty free open so early u can buy a bottle of vodka but not a sandwich? I was starving!

Dublin is weird because it feels like home but also like a holiday. knew I had arrived in ireland as it was pissing it down.

jumped off the bus at the gresham hotel because it was marked on my map and off i set. got a little bit lost as i thought point A on the map was point B but after that all was good. until i started REALLY pissing it down and i had to hot foot it to somewhere that sells umbrellas. ah ha! pharmacy. they sell umbrellas. sorted.

I hate o2's data roaming. had no twitter all day. free McDonalds and hotel wifi woot!

queued from 10:30am. 8th in line. front row. long day. didn't go to bed the night before and was too hyped to sleep after the show. i'd been awake for 40hrs. i wasn't gonna queue too early. i was just gonna go down, say hi, see what was occurring and head off for a bit. but i could taste the front row. i couldnt leave.

Time went pretty slowing queuing. watched the endless trams go past. watched the crew unload the lorry. read my magazine. sat on the pavement on top of my PJ's shorts. good times lol.

we were doing ok until about 6pm when it started absolutely pissing it down. the water was coming in through my umbrella! thankfully they let us in 1/2hr early.

incredible gig. absolutely mind blowing.

he's added bonus track right behind u and a U2 cover to the setlist. i knew there was a song missed and i couldnt think what. welcome to fabulous las vegas. so hope i can see that one live. he soundchecked for ages and we could kinda hear it and that was one he did souncheck.....ooh and he smiled at me singing hard enough :) happy fangirl.

the venue was fine with videos and pics as long as flash was off. got some good stuff :)


setlist:
1. on the floor
2. Magdalena
3. bette Davis
4. jilted lovers
5. something I said
6. only the young
7. right behind you :)
8. wywy
9. hard enough
10. losing touch
11. swallow it
12. playing with fire
----encore-----

13. if god will send his angels (U2 cover)
14. crossfire

its wonderful to see Brandon so at ease and happy on stage.

only the young had some crazy dancing hahaha!

losing touch was so good:

is it too early for a cover?
NOOOOOOOO.

jilted lovers definitely went down best! The video for jilted lovers and broken hearts is a bit shakey as the floor was litterally bouncing, and brandon decided to run around and i had to run the camera after him hehe

right behind you is one of my favourite songs if the record so i was so excited i got to see it and so pleased i recorded it

he said on every album there has been something controversial and swallow it was it this time.

if god will send his angels was incredibly emotional.

he said he loved redoing killers songs and said he felt like he has found the heart of the when you were young now.

you know i was speechless after the gig. all i could keep saying was that it was so much better than i thought it would be. and i thought it would be amazing :).

i just missed Brandon! he literally had just got in van when I found the stage door! it was raining and im glad a few local fans got the chance to say hi. i bought a poster incase he could sign it, then realised i had to carry it around all day in the rain and it survived until i got off the airport bus in dublin and i bent it in half. grr.

i'm so proud brandon is doing it on his own, one day we will all look back, when the killers next record is out, and flamingo will just be a memory, but i love it so much. i love brandon live on his own so much.

Total nightmare when i landed back in nottingham! plane was late getting to Dublin so they threw us on filthy plane from Malaga! we were still almost 1/2hr late and then had to wait for bus transfer to terminal! now I've missed my bus home so got to wait another 1/2hr!

was totally worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat :)

now bring on manchester, birmingham and LONDON!!

so want to hear him singing the clock was ticking.

Brandon Flowers. Only The Young Video. Thoughts?

A few months ago I posted a blog about what I had heard of Brandon Flowers album flamingo before it was released.

I raved about a Jesse Marco remix of a song called 'only the young' that I instantly loved, adored and was drawn to. It’s one of those rare moments when you fall so in love with a song that you could burst.

The aforementioned remix:

I declared it to be the reason I love Brandon flowers so much.

A few weeks ago I learnt only the young was to be the new single. I was really excited. It’s rare the best songs are singles and I do truly believe this song is genius. Even more so live.

Today the video for only the young was posted on Brandon’s vevo account. I’ve just sat and watched the video about 5 times and it's brightened my day right up.

The song and its video is everything I love about Brandon. It’s the showman. It’s the *coughs* dancing, it's the way he moves. He’s captivating to watch. Quite a simple, or at least subtle video, which is what the song needed. I love the dancers and the lighting but it doesn’t distract, it just draws you in. I adore it. And I adore THAT suit.

It's the poses I’ve seem him strike numerous times with the killers and I still adore them. It instantly reminded me of the showman he was in Sophie Muller’s Mr Brightside video. Then the credits appear at the end of the video. Sophie Muller. I adore that woman. She’s been behind so many of my favourite videos. Sophie Ellis Bextor, maroon 5, Natasha Bedingfield, kings of Leon, and coldplay to name a few. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sophie_Muller).

I love how he turns on the disco ball. That is what going to a Brandon flowers show is like. Turning on the fun, the dancing, the glamour, the good times.

I love how he conducts the beat. I’ve seen him many times live, conducting an audience like that, and it's incredible.

I love the bit that looks like he wants to play an imaginary keyboard at 1:15.

I love the crazy 'dance' at 1:36:

Brandon flowers acts like he knows he's good... and he is.

Don’t just take my word for it! Watch it here:

Q: "On flamingo (only the young) you sing a lot about 'redemption'. What have you to redeem?"

A: -Brandon: "No comment! [Laughs]"