It has to be, without thinking, Darren Hayes - Dublin Sky.
I ADORE the song, it's beautiful but it comes from an album, 'The Tension and The Spark' that was released at a very difficult time in my life, and it's a very difficult album to listen to. It brings back memories of when I was first at uni and just how low I was.
I remember when TTATS first came out, and I run out to town, bought my copy, had to wait till about 9:30pm to even put it in the CD player as I was packing for uni and immediately I fell in love with this song. Track no 5. Something about these lyrics. I sat in the chair in the kitchen with mum and I was choked.
'holding hands you promised me, holding hands we counted to three and I felt your slipping fingers and I saw you change your mind if I hadn’t dragged you in with me you would have let me dive without you'
I think it was this moment, listening to Dublin sky that it really hit me how sad Darren was. Something about the melody just screamed at me. I fell completely in love with the song. I remembered Darren’s 'zero' journal entry. I remembered the little few lines in his journal when he said it was the first song he'd ever written on his own and how he was on this plane to Dublin and he felt that he had emotionally, physically and mentally reached his Zero.
When I went to uni, TTATS was too much to listen to, but I’d play Dublin sky over and over and over. It was the only song I played. I can still remember as if it was yesterday walking down the back lane to the shop on campus and just playing this song. 'How many lows did I let you hijack. How many ways can I study the playback' screamed out at me that moment.
I got involved with the fan base online and I found a recording of Darren singing it acoustically from some radio station. I found an interview with invicta fm with Darren talking about the song. He'd made up this really elaborate story about how the song ended like it did as a metaphor for his realisation how abruptly the relationship ended, then he laughed said he was kidding and that he's just hit some button or something when it was being recorded and the music stopped and they just left it in. That interview made me laugh soo hard!
Then there was the first night I ever saw Darren Hayes Live. Nottingham. Friday 19th November 2004. As little as I remember of that night, I was so overwhelmed by the experience, I remember him singing Dublin sky. I can still see me standing there and him standing in front of me, singing that song. Darren interlocking his fingers and then pulling them apart to 'I felt your slipping fingers' and I saw you change you mind' and he shook his head and I was at that moment the happiest I’d been in months. I was amazed at how much strength Dublin sky had given me. I was almost reduced to tears but I held it together.
I remember my flatmate saying 'you only like that song because it’s got the word Dublin in it and you miss home'. I remember getting so mad. Firstly home is northern Ireland not ROI and my connection was to the song, to that feeling of zero, having nothing, rock bottom not the word Dublin. She didn’t get it. The song's just got this most magical vibe to it doesn’t it?
I was in the clutches of depression although I didn’t see it then. I just thought I was lonely and homesick. I will never forget the people who made me see that what I was feeling had a name, and that name was depression. They told me what I didn’t want to, but needed to hear. Thank god for my friends that stood by me when I was down and laugh with me now I’m happy. It taught me life is too short to just let it pass you by because most people who have suffered from depression will again at some point again. I don’t live my life wondering when its next going to go wrong, I live my life so thankful and pleased I am happy. My eyes had definitely become accustomed to the lack of light, even though I didn’t realise there was a lack of light at the time, if that makes any sense? I never realised how bad it got until much later.
The lyrics although nothing to do with what I was feeling I could draw SEVERAL parallels to:
' I always thought we were gonna make it through But I wanted to hear it first from you' - In my darkest hours I knew I would make it but I didn’t know HOW
'How did I end up lying here Crying underneath a Dublin sky?' - I used to lie on the bed and wonder how I ended up there crying all the time
'Have I been wasting all these years drowning in my tears?' - I really wasn’t sure uni was for me, that my degree was for me. I wanted to quit so many times, the only reason I agreed to stay was to see Darren. That stage Darren played on that night was the same stage 2 1/2 years later I walked across to collect my degree. Look how far I had come.
'I don't know what's left of me I don't know what's right with me' - exactly what it says is how I felt.
'How many days am I gonna regret you?' - I did at that moment really regret going to uni
Fast forward to the side 2 tour in Bristol in 2008. I'd seen the show a few times before that night, but I wasn't expecting Dublin sky. I got the shock of my life when I heard the opening lines. It was awesome. I thought I wouldn't hold it together but to my amazement I was ok. I hadn't heard it live since that cold night in Nov 2004. Where it all began, my first gig, and now 3 1/2yrs later it still seemed as important. I was in a dreadful headspace on side 2. My life seemed to be imploding and that song just seemed so appropriate.
I've been down a lonely street tonight, And I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know what's wrong with me
Fast forward to NYE 2009 and Dublin Sky was on the set list. OH. MY. GOD. In the chat a few weeks later, Darren said he chose it for ME. Wow. What an honour. That night Dublin sky made me think back to when I used to need this song in winter 2004. It just sounded so heavenly. Darren’s voice sounded so heavenly. My mind was away in a headspace that wasn’t earth right then. Darren had taken me somewhere else. The line that brought me back to my own conscious was ‘I’m living without you, ooh’. Something about that line. It moved me. ‘I always thought we were gonna make it through’. Back when I needed that song I wasn’t sure, but WE did make it. I felt so proud.
So yeah, Dublin Sky. Special song. I LOVE the song. But I don't listen to it often because it's a hard song to hear.
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